Getting partner involved

How can I get my partner involved? Currently I just check my blood sugar when I need to and take insulin/sugar/whatever on my own. But I think from a safety point of view it would be good for him to know more. It would also be nice to have some support from him.

Thats a tricky one..............

My personal situation is my partner does the cooking, so she is involved with the carb counting, however I think I am lucky in that she took a general interest from the start.....

And I think she knows what to do in an emergency, not that there has ever been one, she knows what i need to eat or drink in the event of a hypo at least....

What do you want/need them to know?

Or is it just a general interest you want your partner to take?

Thanks for replying novorapidboi. I do the cooking, I think if my boyfriend did it we would live on cheese on toast! My BF takes some interest in carb counting but not much and I keep having to remind him or ask him not to get tons of chocolate, crisps, cake etc when we do the food shopping. Last week we were looking at pizzas. We worked out one of them had around 100g carb for half of it and he did not know that this was too high!

I think it sounds as if you want to watch the calories, which is fine, but in terms of DAFNE you can eat what you like and in quantities you desire...........

So the chocolate, crisps, pizzas are all OK, its just you might find you will be putting on a few pounds if you eat them too much....

So I think your partners lack of knowledge is in a general portion size sense as opposed to thinking, or not in this case, that diabetics are restricted, as a DAFNE graduate, you are not restricted............

Hallo again

If we ate as much chocolate, pizza etc as my partner would want, I would have some serious problems. I am already fat, there is constant pressure from doctors to lose weight (have even been offered surgery) while my partner pushes the other way to buy unhealthy crap. My blood sugars are all over the place recently and I don't know why or what to do. My doctors have deserted me like they always do, the boxes are ticked why would they care? It would be nice to have someone to support me. I have tried Diabetes UK and they couldn't suggest anyone. My partner dislikes a lot of healthy foods and I can't be bothered making 2 different meals every night.

I think it is in "the make up". My EX-husband left on diagnosis (also left his second wife when she got sick!) but my son who was only two when husband left became so aware of my diabetic status even as a youngster that he used to get me sweets/cake/biscuits etc when he thought I was low. He was doing this reliably when he was in primary school. He became an intensive care paramedic. Which came first perception and awareness coupled with the caring nature or the necessity of being aware? My daughter (older by two years) used to stand by and watch. Even now she is only aware if I do something first...like get sweets!

We had a function for my daughter's birthday recently and ex-husband came and asked about my health (my greatest revenge is to live a long and healthy life). I told him about my almost new pump. The questions he asked were asinine. On the other hand my son and daughter in law just expect me to do and get what I need. If I am stuffing my face with JBs they will ask if I need anything but mostly I get on with it. Helen

Some good points there................

If he does respect and love you he can make changes, or allow you to make changes for yourself........

Hi Sarah

I don't know what you do in your household but in ours, meal times are when we eat together and talk about what has happened in the day. Sharing food is important. I know there is a modern trend for families to eat alone, off their laps, in their own rooms while glued to their individual TVs/computers. But I find this sad. I would like to spend time with my partner. We both work, so we only have evenings and weekends together. I don't want to waste this precious time. I love my partner and cooking for him is one way of demonstrating this. Also, I am concerned about his health.I don't want him to have health problems either. And then there is the shopping. If he is putting in unhealthy foods, I find it very hard to resist. Maybe you are some paragon of virtue who would put the chocolate back and put in a lettuce instead. But I am not. In our household we do the shopping together - for a start, I could not carry all the food on my own. The cost is divided in half. Maybe you are suggesting that we shop individually too? But what about items such as cleaning products, kitchen roll, milk, bread, that we both use? Do you live with a partner? If so do you shop and eat separately as you suggest? I know I have responsibility for what I eat. But in a shared household it makes sense that shopping and eating should be shared activities both for practical and emotional reasons.

My partner does love me. He has a tough job (working in a jobcentre). That is a crappy miserable place to work right now, and the DWP is planning to take away what little pension he was hoping for, and he will pay more each month, which adds to our financial worries. This has affected him and he often feels low. He is trying to find another job but it is really difficult at the moment. We are both struggling and comfort food is really appealing. I am desperately trying to change but have no support from anyone to do so and am struggling on my own.

I did not ask for judgement on how I live my life. I asked for helpful ideas on how to involve my partner. Other people's partners seem quite involved with their diabetes so I wanted tips on that. Do you have any?

the key thing to remember is you can eat what you like as any non diabetic would, letting your partner know this would be a good start.....

So its just general lifestyle choices that have to be made........

What things do you buy/eat together that you would consider unhealthy?

Do you think you eat this unhealthy food too much?


My circumstances are fortunate, I also accompany the wife on shopping trips, but ultimately she decides what goes in, with the odd treat, but the shopping list is like any other shopper.....

What involvement would you like to see from your partner, there is not much he can do to be honest, apart from helping you eat healthier by joining you at meal times with meals that are beneficial....

If your partner would like to talk to other diabetics and more importantly carers/partners of diabetics he can head over to the Diabetes Support Forum......

Everyone on there is friendly and basically there for support if things get too much, good also for you....

Lizzie, sorry but if you ask for help you have to expect some people to have views that don't conflict with yours. I don't think Sarah was passing judgement on your life, just suggesting the solution is ultimately in your hands. Before you get upset with me, I'm not being critical, I too have a family that loves Chocolate and know all about temptation .
With regards to 'support' my experience is my wife went from being casual about my Diabetes to being paranoid after a had a 'proper' hypo. You can get too much support. But I know what you mean. The problem is finding simplistic information about Diabetes that a non-Diabetic won't find completely boring or mystifying. Diabetes UK do provide leaflets information and do have local support
groups your can find ones potentially in your area here . Most of these groups are run by Diabetics and can help if you can get your partner to go with you to one of their meetings. My group has helped a number of people and their partners with Diabetic issues.

With regard to unhealthly food all you can really do is try to strike a balance between 'crap' and healthy food. If we all ate only what was good for us then life would be pretty dull. So why not try a softly softly approach. Just cut one bit of the bad stuff at a time and gently steer to a healthier range of foods. Keep the chocolate for now, hey don't tell me you can quit it completely , just try to reduce the amount you personally eat.

We are all happy to try to give support via this site, but typing to a computer screen is not the same as meeting and talking to people. Have you tired your DAFNE Educators or are they snowed under like most ?