Recent Posts in General Discussion

Aug 21, 2012

Alan 49 284 posts

Topic: General Discussion / Diabetic jokes

I thought I'd lighten the proceedings with some diabetic-related jokes:

Who is the patron saint of diabetics and railway stations? St Pancreas

Which large African animal sounds like a diabetic problem and also its possible solution?
A hippopotamus - Hypo - potato mass (apologies for that one)

There once was a diabetic called Rab
Who treated himself to a kebab
He didn't have chips
Because of his hips
And therefore didn't require a jab

Aug 21, 2012

DianeW 115 posts

Topic: General Discussion / Diabetic jokes

I like it! Corny but I like it...

There once was a diabetic called Di
Who fancied a nice apple pie
But how many CPs?
Help me DAFNE please!
Or my meter will just scream at me "Why?!?!"

Aug 22, 2012

Derek Brown 32 posts

Topic: General Discussion / Diabetic jokes

Why did the vampire bite the diabetic?

Because he had a sweet tooth!

Aug 24, 2012

Alan 49 284 posts

Topic: General Discussion / Diabetic jokes

Nice one, Derek.

A DAFNE diabetic called Hazel
Woke up one morning feeling nasal
The cold in her nose
Meant an increased QA dose
And also a slight rise in her basal

Aug 24, 2012

DianeW 115 posts

Topic: General Discussion / Diabetic jokes

Alan that is class, this could run and run!

Aug 24, 2012

john day 54 posts

Topic: General Discussion / Diabetic jokes

Hey ho .. here's a 5 minute effort:

Feeling just a little comatose
I really needed some glucacose
So out with the jelly babies
This is much better than rabies!

Important to note the misspelling and I'm not sure about my underlying psychosis.

Keep it going....

Aug 25, 2012

Alan 49 284 posts

Topic: General Discussion / Diabetic jokes

Well done, John. Here's another one:

A diabetic asleep on the patio
Had the unlikely name of Horatio
His control was all at sea -
He had a high HBA1C
Because he was on the wrong ratio.

Aug 25, 2012

john day 54 posts

Topic: General Discussion / Diabetic jokes

Very neat Alan .. looks like I need to do 5 lines though!

Cheers, John

Aug 26, 2012

Alan 49 284 posts

Topic: General Discussion / Diabetic jokes

Yes John - Limericks have 5 lines.

I have another one ('Oh No!' I hear you groan):

A diabetic fell out with his G.P.
'Too many strips you are using' said he
The diabetic insisted -
'You're being ham-fisted -
Good control means I'll be complications-free'.

It doesn't scan properly, but I claim 'poetic licence'.

Aug 26, 2012

john day 54 posts

Topic: General Discussion / Diabetic jokes

Hi Alan .. had a peer at wiki and indeed...

The standard form of a limerick is a stanza of five lines, with the first, second and fifth usually rhyming with one another and having three feet of three syllables each; and the shorter third and fourth lines also rhyming with each other, but having only two feet of three syllables. The defining "foot" of a limerick's meter is usually the anapaest, (ta-ta-TUM), but limericks can also be considered amphibrachic (ta-TUM-ta)... (and much more).

So all forumites now have no excuse....

Cheers, John

Aug 27, 2012

Alan 49 284 posts

Topic: General Discussion / Diabetic jokes

Thanks for that, John - I didn't realise that Limericks had feet!

Aug 29, 2012

susieq 19 posts

Topic: General Discussion / Diabetic jokes

There was once a girl called susie
who was new to a lot of this stuff
she got so frustrated
with basals and bolus
she flung them and walked off in a huff

Aug 31, 2012

Carolin 83 posts

Topic: General Discussion / Diabetic jokes

Hi everyone,

Please, please, please keep this going. It's great material for the quarterly DAFNE Newsletter.... we'll try to include 1 or 2 of the best in each issue.

Cheers,

Carolin Laughing

Aug 31, 2012

DianeW 115 posts

Topic: General Discussion / Diabetic jokes

Ok here goes

There once was a diabetic called Sally
Who thought she was going doolally
She let out a scream
When her meter said 15
Her CPs and QA did not tally!

Sep 1, 2012

HelenP 218 posts

Topic: General Discussion / Diabetic jokes

A young diabetic called Jim
had had carb counts up to the brim
he preferred his pump
to a jab in the rump
but he so wished it was not him.

Helen

Sep 1, 2012

Alan 49 284 posts

Topic: General Discussion / Diabetic jokes

I need help - I can't seem to stop thinking about Limericks. I think I've got Limerickitis - does anyone know a good Limerickologist?

A music-mad diabetic called Peter
Spent most of his time on his geetar
His podiatrist said 'Pete -
You've neglected your feet
And you know how important your feet are'

There once was a diabetic called Margaret
Whose blood-sugars were well over target.
On DAFNE she went
And you know what that meant -
Now most of her readings are great.

Sep 3, 2012

Alan 49 284 posts

Topic: General Discussion / Diabetic jokes

There was a young diabetic from Spain
Whose injections gave him some pain
'I don't think I'll bother'
'You will!' said his mother
'I'm not going to tell you again'.

Sep 6, 2012

thebatoutofhull 60 posts

Topic: General Discussion / Diabetic jokes

Here's a simple diabetic joke.......
.....my mother in law.

Sep 7, 2012

Alan 49 284 posts

Topic: General Discussion / Diabetic jokes

Diabetes is a demanding condition
Good blood-sugar is the ideal position
You test, you inject
The result's not what you expect?
Then DAFNE can help in your mission.

Sep 9, 2012

susieq 19 posts

Topic: General Discussion / Diabetic jokes

There was a young man called Rex ,
A diligent diabetic, but perplexed
His daily readings
were up then down
which left him nothing but vexed

So off to DAFNE he went
with good readings he was bent
on obtaining the same
and away he came
with the answer that was evident

Sep 9, 2012

Alan 49 284 posts

Topic: General Discussion / Diabetic jokes

A diabetic called Rab caught the flu
A condition, for him, that was new
His doctor said 'Rab -
You missed your flu-jab
That's really important for you'.

Sep 10, 2012

Alan 49 284 posts

Topic: General Discussion / Diabetic jokes

There once was a diabetic called Evans
Whose BGs were all fours to sevens
His partner, said 'Dai -
You know that's a lie -
You're not going to get to Heaven'.

Sep 11, 2012

DianeW 115 posts

Topic: General Discussion / Diabetic jokes

There was a diabetic called Wood
Who had a weakness for the occasional sponge pud
But she exercised and injected
And tested and corrected
To ensure her control was still good!

Sep 19, 2012

Alan 49 284 posts

Topic: General Discussion / Diabetic jokes

Romance is in the air:

There once was a diabetic called Hector
Whose control was in the 'bad' sector,
So after much thought
Twas DAFNE he sought
Now he loves her and will never reject her.

There once was a diabetic called Jack
Whose approach to diabetes was slack
He was sent on a course
With DAFNE, of course
Now he says that he'll never look back.

There was a diabetic from Penzance
Whose control was much left to chance
So then DAFNE took over
He thought 'I just love her'
So this was the start of a romance.

A diabetic from across the Atlantic
Had control that made him quite frantic,
To DAFNE he was sent
A week with her he spent
Now he loves her - it's really romantic.

Oct 27, 2012

Alan 49 284 posts

Topic: General Discussion / Diabetic jokes

Diabetes can cause you some stress -
When the carbs in a meal you just guess.
But DAFNE can assist
And with its carbohydrate list
You're soon on the road to success.

A diabetic from somewhere in Surrey
Was in a bit of a hurry
'I skipped my first test'
He later confessed
After a hypo had caused colleagues to worry.

Aug 21, 2012 Alan 49 284 posts	Topic: General Discussion / Diabetic jokes I thought I'd lighten the proceedings with some diabetic-related jokes: Who is the patron saint of diabetics and railway stations? St Pancreas Which large African animal sounds like a diabetic problem and also its possible solution? A hippopotamus - Hypo - potato mass (apologies for that one) There once was a diabetic called Rab Who treated himself to a kebab He didn't have chips Because of his hips And therefore didn't require a jab

Aug 21, 2012 DianeW 115 posts	Topic: General Discussion / Diabetic jokes I like it! Corny but I like it... There once was a diabetic called Di Who fancied a nice apple pie But how many CPs? Help me DAFNE please! Or my meter will just scream at me "Why?!?!"

Aug 22, 2012 Derek Brown 32 posts	Topic: General Discussion / Diabetic jokes Why did the vampire bite the diabetic? Because he had a sweet tooth!

Aug 24, 2012 Alan 49 284 posts	Topic: General Discussion / Diabetic jokes Nice one, Derek. A DAFNE diabetic called Hazel Woke up one morning feeling nasal The cold in her nose Meant an increased QA dose And also a slight rise in her basal

Aug 24, 2012 DianeW 115 posts	Topic: General Discussion / Diabetic jokes Alan that is class, this could run and run!

Aug 24, 2012 john day 54 posts	Topic: General Discussion / Diabetic jokes Hey ho .. here's a 5 minute effort: Feeling just a little comatose I really needed some glucacose So out with the jelly babies This is much better than rabies! Important to note the misspelling and I'm not sure about my underlying psychosis. Keep it going....

Aug 25, 2012 Alan 49 284 posts	Topic: General Discussion / Diabetic jokes Well done, John. Here's another one: A diabetic asleep on the patio Had the unlikely name of Horatio His control was all at sea - He had a high HBA1C Because he was on the wrong ratio.

Aug 25, 2012 john day 54 posts	Topic: General Discussion / Diabetic jokes Very neat Alan .. looks like I need to do 5 lines though! Cheers, John

Aug 26, 2012 Alan 49 284 posts	Topic: General Discussion / Diabetic jokes Yes John - Limericks have 5 lines. I have another one ('Oh No!' I hear you groan): A diabetic fell out with his G.P. 'Too many strips you are using' said he The diabetic insisted - 'You're being ham-fisted - Good control means I'll be complications-free'. It doesn't scan properly, but I claim 'poetic licence'.

Aug 26, 2012 john day 54 posts	Topic: General Discussion / Diabetic jokes Hi Alan .. had a peer at wiki and indeed... The standard form of a limerick is a stanza of five lines, with the first, second and fifth usually rhyming with one another and having three feet of three syllables each; and the shorter third and fourth lines also rhyming with each other, but having only two feet of three syllables. The defining "foot" of a limerick's meter is usually the anapaest, (ta-ta-TUM), but limericks can also be considered amphibrachic (ta-TUM-ta)... (and much more). So all forumites now have no excuse.... Cheers, John

Aug 27, 2012 Alan 49 284 posts	Topic: General Discussion / Diabetic jokes Thanks for that, John - I didn't realise that Limericks had feet!

Aug 29, 2012 susieq 19 posts	Topic: General Discussion / Diabetic jokes There was once a girl called susie who was new to a lot of this stuff she got so frustrated with basals and bolus she flung them and walked off in a huff

Aug 31, 2012 Carolin 83 posts	Topic: General Discussion / Diabetic jokes Hi everyone, Please, please, please keep this going. It's great material for the quarterly DAFNE Newsletter.... we'll try to include 1 or 2 of the best in each issue. Cheers, Carolin

Aug 31, 2012 DianeW 115 posts	Topic: General Discussion / Diabetic jokes Ok here goes There once was a diabetic called Sally Who thought she was going doolally She let out a scream When her meter said 15 Her CPs and QA did not tally!

Sep 1, 2012 HelenP 218 posts	Topic: General Discussion / Diabetic jokes A young diabetic called Jim had had carb counts up to the brim he preferred his pump to a jab in the rump but he so wished it was not him. Helen

Sep 1, 2012 Alan 49 284 posts	Topic: General Discussion / Diabetic jokes I need help - I can't seem to stop thinking about Limericks. I think I've got Limerickitis - does anyone know a good Limerickologist? A music-mad diabetic called Peter Spent most of his time on his geetar His podiatrist said 'Pete - You've neglected your feet And you know how important your feet are' There once was a diabetic called Margaret Whose blood-sugars were well over target. On DAFNE she went And you know what that meant - Now most of her readings are great.

Sep 3, 2012 Alan 49 284 posts	Topic: General Discussion / Diabetic jokes There was a young diabetic from Spain Whose injections gave him some pain 'I don't think I'll bother' 'You will!' said his mother 'I'm not going to tell you again'.

Sep 6, 2012 thebatoutofhull 60 posts	Topic: General Discussion / Diabetic jokes Here's a simple diabetic joke....... .....my mother in law.

Sep 7, 2012 Alan 49 284 posts	Topic: General Discussion / Diabetic jokes Diabetes is a demanding condition Good blood-sugar is the ideal position You test, you inject The result's not what you expect? Then DAFNE can help in your mission.

Sep 9, 2012 susieq 19 posts	Topic: General Discussion / Diabetic jokes There was a young man called Rex , A diligent diabetic, but perplexed His daily readings were up then down which left him nothing but vexed So off to DAFNE he went with good readings he was bent on obtaining the same and away he came with the answer that was evident

Sep 9, 2012 Alan 49 284 posts	Topic: General Discussion / Diabetic jokes A diabetic called Rab caught the flu A condition, for him, that was new His doctor said 'Rab - You missed your flu-jab That's really important for you'.

Sep 10, 2012 Alan 49 284 posts	Topic: General Discussion / Diabetic jokes There once was a diabetic called Evans Whose BGs were all fours to sevens His partner, said 'Dai - You know that's a lie - You're not going to get to Heaven'.

Sep 11, 2012 DianeW 115 posts	Topic: General Discussion / Diabetic jokes There was a diabetic called Wood Who had a weakness for the occasional sponge pud But she exercised and injected And tested and corrected To ensure her control was still good!

Sep 19, 2012 Alan 49 284 posts	Topic: General Discussion / Diabetic jokes Romance is in the air: There once was a diabetic called Hector Whose control was in the 'bad' sector, So after much thought Twas DAFNE he sought Now he loves her and will never reject her. There once was a diabetic called Jack Whose approach to diabetes was slack He was sent on a course With DAFNE, of course Now he says that he'll never look back. There was a diabetic from Penzance Whose control was much left to chance So then DAFNE took over He thought 'I just love her' So this was the start of a romance. A diabetic from across the Atlantic Had control that made him quite frantic, To DAFNE he was sent A week with her he spent Now he loves her - it's really romantic.

Oct 27, 2012 Alan 49 284 posts	Topic: General Discussion / Diabetic jokes Diabetes can cause you some stress - When the carbs in a meal you just guess. But DAFNE can assist And with its carbohydrate list You're soon on the road to success. A diabetic from somewhere in Surrey Was in a bit of a hurry 'I skipped my first test' He later confessed After a hypo had caused colleagues to worry.